GLENCOLA INBOX.
Jul. 5th, 2023 01:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
somethingintangibleHeyyyy! ♥ This is Maddy!
I obviously can't get to my walkie talkie right now, so if you have something to say, you can leave it here and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Oh, and don't be fucking rude. If you send me some nasty shit, I'll fucking cut you.
I obviously can't get to my walkie talkie right now, so if you have something to say, you can leave it here and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Oh, and don't be fucking rude. If you send me some nasty shit, I'll fucking cut you.
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Date: 2023-09-09 02:13 pm (UTC)I'm fine. There was something I wanted to check.
How is it looking?
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Date: 2023-09-13 06:06 am (UTC)The least she can do is worry about him in return! ]
What was that? [ She's curious; interested. ]
Better. Kinda gross. I can see it healing, though. I don't think it's infected, but I'm not an expert. Um, that lady Shaw looked at it.
[ Then, more timidly: ] Mr. Levi?
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Date: 2023-09-16 01:42 am (UTC)[ He doesn't know this "Shaw" very well but from what he gathered she seemed competent enough, so he supposes it's probably fine. If Maddy says it's healing, it's probably true, though she's gonna earn a scolding if she's trying to be brave here. ]
Good. Pour more disinfectant on it if you're not sure. I'm heading back soon.
[ Not that he doesn't trust her, but she herself said she doesn't know a lot about wounds, so it's best to make sure. Also, there had been some alarming developments on the network and there's apparently a bunch of injured people at the airfield, so he figures he should be there to look out for them. ]
[ So much for his scouting expedition. ]
[ Anyway. ]
What is it?
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Date: 2023-10-02 01:33 am (UTC)Just, like, pour it on? Won't that hurt? [ Well, yeah, probably. But that means it's, like, working or something, right? ]
...Thanks. For everything. You're pretty cool. For an old guy.
But next time, tell somebody where you're going, okay? [ She says this like she's his mom. ] Like, it totally doesn't have to be me, but tell somebody. What if you got hurt out there by yourself? [ Not that she thinks he would. If there's anyone who can go wandering off alone and be okay, it's probably Levi. But still. What if??? ]
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Date: 2023-10-02 07:57 pm (UTC)[ That's not how it works, Levi! People tend not to spray those on open wounds for a reason! ]
[ Oh. Oh, she thinks he's "cool". Okay, it's not a first exactly, but most of the time he gets a lot less favorable adjectives to describe him. ]
Oi, I'm not a feeble retiree yet. [ He doesn't really argue about being old, though. It certainly feels like it sometimes, especially with all the child soldiers around. ] If I got hurt, I would handle it.
[ Big words for somebody about to trip into a tree-- ]
You don't need to worry about me.
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Date: 2023-10-03 10:07 pm (UTC)But she's had to convince a fussy eleven-year-old boy to let her look at a scrape when he didn't want to, or let her help him take off a band-aid when he was whining that it would hurt to rip it off, so. To an extent she sympathizes with him, and decides not to make his life too difficult.
She's definitely in no position to critique his doctor skills. Not like she knows any better. ] Okay. I'll do it. How much should I use? Is it better to just, like, use a lot? I don't wanna waste any...
[ She does smile faintly at his insistence that he's not "feeble", though. ] You're like thirty-five. You're basically ready to move into a nursing home. [ But the smile fades into a frown that he can't see when he tells he would handle it. ] What if you got knocked unconscious and nobody knew where you were? Would you handle it then?
Okay, well, I'm going to worry about you, and you can't stop me. [ So there. :|a ] So maybe think about that before you just go running off!
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Date: 2023-10-04 07:48 pm (UTC)No, you don't need a lot. Just make sure that there's enough to get over the whole wound.
[ He doesn't make a noise, but the stare at his transceiver can probably be felt at the other end. "Nursing home", please. As if he'll ever be able to afford that-- ]
[ Also she probably guessed him younger by a year, not that he knows exactly how old he is anyway. ]
What if they did know? I'd be crab lunch by the time anyone got there.
[ That may or may not be a joke, but there has certainly been a lot of crabs around lately. He does have something of a point in that getting knocked out in hostile territory pretty much means one's fucked, though. ]
[ He half-sighs, half-huffs at her declaration. So it's like that, huh... ]
Fine. I'll let you know next time.
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Date: 2023-10-04 08:48 pm (UTC)She takes a shaky breath. After a little bit: ] Okay. I did it. [ She brightens! ] Hey, I really did it.
[ She wasn't sure if she had the balls.
She also doesn't like thinking about him becoming crab lunch, and while she knows he has a point, she doesn't want to admit it. Still!! She doesn't like thinking about anybody just wandering alone by themselves, with nobody even knowing whee they went or when to expect them back or...
She's surprised when he agrees. She'd expected more of an argument, maybe. ]
Thanks, Levi. That's all I want. I know it, like, messes with your whole "lone wolf" aesthetic, but it's just... I don't think it's good for anybody to be completely alone. Like, that's how people go crazy.
Besides, what if I wanted to go with you? Sometimes it gets boring just sitting around here all day, and, like, you know stuff. Maybe you could teach me.
[ She feels weird saying it. She would not have ever wanted to learn to hunt or fish or trap back home... but those weren't essential skills to have back home. Not like they are here. ]
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Date: 2023-10-04 10:17 pm (UTC)[ Maybe it's his mild manner of speaking, but it really comes across genuine, despite the words being fairly standard feel-good encouragement. He really did trust her to do it! ]
...
[ There's a slight pause before he says anything else, as if he's thinking over his words. ]
It's better for me.
[ There's maybe a slip of something painful there, but he does a pretty good job at hiding it, especially when it's not face to face. After another moment, he elaborates; ]
When I'm alone, I usually manage somehow. I can't always protect others.
[ The sheer amount of people that have died on him weigh him down like a thousand dying suns. None of it had been his fault, not really... and yet in a way it was; had he killed the Beast Titan when he had a chance, at least some of those deaths could have been prevented. He'd always been just strong enough to survive, but not enough to turn the tide, forced to watch subordinates and friends and loved ones die one after another. ]
[ This place, so far, honestly feels less dangerous than his world, not that that's saying much, but he's not sure how he feels about the suggestion. ]
It would be risky to go with me. [ He's not saying no -- that is her choice to make, not his -- but he can at least make sure she's aware of the danger. People tend to perish around him. That aside-- ] But I can show you some tricks when I get back.
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Date: 2023-10-04 10:35 pm (UTC)When he says it's better for him to go alone, she just listens. Until he says he can't always protect others. Then she cuts in, beginning to protest. ]
But--
[ She thinks about it. In a way, what he's saying makes sense. She would be safer staying at the base, at least for now.
But Maddy knows firsthand how dangerous it is to depend on someone else for anything, because she's put herself in that situation before. In her home world, it had been money and a certain lifestyle. Here, it's physical protection and her basic needs. And there are benefits to relying on others... but also significant drawbacks. ]
It might be risky for me not to know how to take care of myself, too. That one lady, Miss Zam? I heard on the walkies that she just disappeared. What if Senku disappears? Or Randvi? Or K? Or you? What if everybody I'm relying on now just straight-up goes away, and I don't know how to take care of myself?
[ The likelihood of all of them vanishing at once seems, admittedly, extremely slim. And it's possible there was a reason for Zam's disappearance that none of them are aware of yet. But it's not completely impossible. If one person can disappear, why not four?
And anyway, if she learns how to protect herself, then he won't always have to protect her. A little risk now to save a lot of risk later. And people do come back here when they die, at least sometimes, although Maddy isn't sure if she could handle that, dying and coming back. She doesn't really like to think about it anyway.
Instead, she focuses on him telling her that he'll teach her a few tricks. ] ...Thanks. I appreciate it. I know this can't be easy on you.
It's hard. Caring about people. Like, it sucks.
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Date: 2023-10-04 11:10 pm (UTC)[ She does make a good point. As much as Levi would like her to stay in the camp where it's safe... just how safe is it, really? For how long? Humanity had believed itself to be safe behind the walls, too, until one day, it wasn't. ]
[ They could stay out of dangerous or unknown territories. He could take her along to explore some parts of jungle he's already trekked through successfully, show her how to find water and food. It might not be "safe", but it shouldn't be "dangerous", either -- and frankly, none of them are "safe" anywhere on this island anyway. ]
It's hard to argue with you. [ He doesn't laugh, but he does sound vaguely amused -- and perhaps exasperated, in a fond way. She's playing him like a damn fiddle, isn't she? But her arguments do hold up, so he supposes it doesn't matter much. ] Fine. We'll just have to make sure that doesn't happen.
[ The not knowing how to take care of herself part, at least. ]
Mm.
[ He'd leave it at that, a vague noise of acknowledgement at the thanks, but then she goes on and -- oh. ]
[ She gets it, huh. ]
...yeah. [ He still sounds tired and blank, but maybe a little... softer. ] But it's how we know we're still human.
[ It would be too easy to let shitty circumstances or cruelty of reality to turn you into a monster; it would hurt less, perhaps. But it would not be worth that cost. Feelings were important; it could keep you going when everything else failed, it let you find meaning, belief, purpose. Lives were precious; if everybody acknowledged that, the world would be a better place. ]
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Date: 2023-10-05 02:55 am (UTC)Oh my God, yay! Thank you!
[ You can pretty much hear the happy little bounce on the other end. Even the stinging pain in her wound is briefly forgotten in her delight. She does hiss quietly though, a reminder that she's still wounded.
But she gets quieter and more subdued when he does too. ]
Mmmm. Yeah. It's like, without caring about other people, and loving other people, what's even the point? [ Maddy has never been ambitious in terms of having her own career. She doesn't seek a "purpose" in life the way some people do. She likes the finer things in life, sure. She likes to party, she likes to have fun. But... ]
Sometimes I forget that. Or it's like, I try to. When you care about people, you can get hurt. When they get hurt. Or when they hurt you. [ She doesn't think Levi is beyond getting hurt. She doesn't think anybody is. ]
You're right, though. That's what makes us [ she almost says "human", but then she thinks about K, who isn't human ] people.
Don't get hurt out there, okay? Otherwise, I'll be sad.
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Date: 2023-10-08 08:15 pm (UTC)[ He listens to her talk, agreeing with him, and he agrees back. He loves people. He's usually fairly good at reading them, too. He's just not good with them, funnily enough. But most times, he's happy just observing others' lives. ]
[ It hurts so fucking much, but he wouldn't trade it for anything. ]
[ He does note the replaced word. "People". Wasn't that the same thing as "humanity"? He supposes some, like the shifters, may not consider themselves human, but that did not make it true. They still were, until they decided to cast it aside. Perhaps there's some other meaning to this, but the moment doesn't feel right to ask. ]
Can't promise that. But I'm careful.
[ For now... ]
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Date: 2023-11-06 07:26 pm (UTC)[ That means a lot, coming from Maddy. Maddy likes many, but trusts few.
But she trusts Levi. ]
wrap ig?
Date: 2023-11-10 01:25 pm (UTC)[ He has a pretty good idea of just how big it is, too, even if he'd still be touched if she was more generous with her trust. ]
[ And that's exactly why he feels he mustn't let her down. ]
works for me!
Date: 2023-11-10 07:56 pm (UTC)